If I ever thought I could go without my anti-depression meds, I will remind myself of this week.  

I was out of said meds.  I can usually go 2 days - by the 2nd day, I start to experience withdrawal symptoms.  Of course the first couple of times, I didn't realize they were withdrawal symptoms.  Thank you Google:  fatigue, nausea, vertigo, mood swings and flu-like symptoms.  "FLU-LIKE" symptoms is a good way to describe it.  Just overall not feeling well.  

This wasn't the usual me waiting until last minute to pick them up - it was a combination of the meds being at the wrong pharmacy, and the fact that I didn't have the money to get them.  

I had literally $22 dollars in my bank account.  And my car was nearly on E.  It was Tuesday & Wednesday, and I get paid on Friday.  I dug up a $5 bill out of my purse to get a container of Milk.  I don't usually carry cash, but this was left over from something.  By the next night, day one of withdrawal, the physical symptoms were in full force.  For lack of a better term, its a general "I don't feel well" state.  But I've learned, I am not sick.  By day 2 - the mental affect was dire.  

Hopeless - thinking there is no release/relief.  There is no light at the end of the tunnel.  My life will always be this struggle.  

The thought that so many people have better lives, better circumstances.  and not a jealousy of that, but rather the fact that I am no different than any of those people.  But they made better choices in their life to get them where they are.  

this should be dated 5/12/2022 .... I'm ok now.  Refilled prescription and all that.